It's always been us
by lindsay023
Summary: Harvey is tired like never before. His actions over the last few months have lead him to become what he never wanted.


It's always about us.

It's late and he's tired. Not tired in the physical sense. But tired mentality.

Of pretending he is okay. Pretending that he is content with his life.

Managing partner is not the problem, he is excelling there. His relationship with all the fellow partners is better than ever. Louis withstanding he hasn't forgiven him. Work wise him and Louis are stronger than ever. But Louis can't understand why he did what he did and these days he doesn't even understand why he did either.

Personally his relationship with Paula seems strong. He knows it isn't.

Harvey can pinpoint exactly when he started spiralling.

When he found her resignation letter on his desk Four months ago. After he had contacted Stu and asked him to offer her a job. Or two months ago when he crossed the line he vowed never to cross.

After she had kissed him and claimed she just had to know.

Maybe the point was when she told him she hadn't felt anything at all. He knows she was right when she proclaimed their lines had been blurry for a long time. They both enjoyed the game of toeing the line. He knew she was hurt when he revealed his relationship with Paula to her. As soon as she told him she wanted more the panic set in. Fight or flight. Harvey chose flight. So he ran to the person he had revealed all to. He knew what Donna was feeling, hell he has felt it himself. Mitchell, mark, Steven and the others Donna has had relations with through the years. Jealousy. Harvey was jealous of every single one of them. They had that final part of her that he longed for. He can still remember the feeling of hurt when she revealed to him that she was sleeping with Steven. The rule broken for him but not for Harvey.

Paula texts him about coming to his condo tonight, he tells her not to bother he has too much work to catch up on and wont be good company anyway. She wont just show up. She thinks she has lost the key he gave her to his apartment. He knows other wise.

Instead he asks Mike to his office before he heads home for a few drinks. Mike tries but also too doesn't understand what transpired between his two closest friends. Something about a kiss and an ultimatum from a woman he tolerates but doesn't really like. Getting anything out of Harvey is like getting blood out of a stone. Anytime he has asked Donna she has gave a vague 'sometimes we need a change' and swiftly changed the subject.

As soon as he opens his front door he can smell her perfume. He sees her shoes kicked under the first chair in his living room, her coat and bag threw on top. On his way to the bedroom he can see her feet in the air as she lays on her stomach in the middle of the bed dressed only in her underwear, she is scrolling through her phone. He more than appreciates the view in front of him. Her long creamy legs, the curve or her backside.

He crawls over her trailing kisses over her back and remarking he is surprised to find her back in his bed so soon after last night. Her gait was a bit off this morning from their activities the previous evening, her wince of pain this morning as she stepped into her heels was another tell.

They wont be so rough tonight.

She hums at his touch and reaches her arm to the back of his head as he kisses along her neck. Harvey wonders will he ever tire of her, four times last night he was inside her and that still wasn't enough. It has never been this intense with anyone else.

They have sex slowly. Some would label it making love. Some would call it cheating. She goes on top after he has spent a good amount of time between her legs using only his tongue and lips.

Afterwards he pulls her to him and kisses the top of her head. It's time for the talk. He is tired mostly of this. Of the hiding. The secrecy. Of not having her in his bed every night. He tells her this much, how he thinks they should give it a go.

Their closeness has always been used as a weapon against them. Always the centre of office gossip. Many believing that they have always been sleeping together. Harvey and Donna.

_Do you love him. _

_Why did he break up with you. _

_Was she the reason. _

_So it really is like that. _

It's them. It's always been them.

Just without the constant sex. It began at Mike and Rachel's wedding. Harvey was there with Paula. Donna was there with Thomas. It was civil all day until they both exited the toilets at the same time. Icy looks and harsh words where exchanged until they where kissing. He was pushing her backwards and then they where in a stall in the ladies toilets at the Plaza hotel. It was quick and angry . Harvey knew her well enough that she wouldn't go home that night with Thomas. She would be alone at home so that is where he went. That was two months ago.

Donna doesn't respond for a while. She knows they will work. But her biggest fear is what she already sees in his eyes. The hate he has for himself. He always swore he would never cheat on anyone. But yet here they are. Two months of this.

He also let her go.

Donna knows she caused the rift in their relationship by kissing him and forcing his hand. But the hurt is still there. When Stu contacted her with the job offer she could literally feel her heart break as she finished the phone call. It had finally happened. They couldn't be fixed. She enjoys her new job role more than she ever thought she would. Yes she now works with a bunch of loud obnoxious investment bankers.

She folds her arms across his chest and looks up at him. He has been her life for the last fifteen years. She asks is he sure about this. Ending it with Paula. Her ending it with Thomas. She wonders out loud how they haven't been suspicious. Harvey and Donna have been spending more and more nights a week together. It started as an hour here and there to nights spent at each others condos to two and so on. Tonight is the fifth night that week they have been together.

Donna tells him she will talk to Thomas tomorrow night. She cries as she explains to Harvey that she never wanted it to happen this way between them. But she also knows everything happens for a reason and every descion made the last fifteen years has paved the path to them being together. He will also talk with Paula tomorrow. Both know the next day will not be easy.

They make love twice more that evening.

The following evening Donna tells Thomas the truth. She tried to give things ago. But she knows like the people who truly know Donna can attest too it would never work in the long run with Thomas, for the same reason it didn't work with Mitchell or mark or Steven because she gave her heart to Harvey along time ago. Thomas doesn't put up a fight or say anything rude. He simply kisses her on the cheek and wishes her the best.

Harvey's conversation with Paula doesn't go as well as Donna's with Thomas. Paula is hurt. Rightfully so. But Harvey wonders how she did not see this coming. He only met Paula because Donna left him. He is tempted to tell her as much.

Her leaving him damaged him that much he started having panic attacks.

She calls Donna awful names. Screams that she will leave him again. He wont listen to this so leaves with a 'have a good life Paula'.

They meet that night at Donna's apartment. For the first time since this started they are not intimate. They lay in bed and talk for hours like never before. Harvey's hand on her hip and her nails scratching his head. He has never felt more vunreable.

This is it.

Everything he has been running from all these years.

He knows they will make it.

They won't let the other go.

For the first time in months he suddenly doesn't feel so tired anymore.


End file.
